The One-eyed monster

                                    Scene from F.R.I.E.N.D.S season 7 “The One with the Engagement Picture”: Chandler can’t seem to photograph well. His engagement announcement picture with Monica turned out obviously horrible with Chandler making a mockery of himself. Finally what comes in newspaper announcement is a picture of Monica with Joey (who is evidently good looking and a born poser).

                                    The audience laughed. Everybody must have. I didn’t. I got a strong Déjà vu too. I was relieved somebody else, be a fictional character in a sitcom, has my very same problem. If you want to see me all serious and mouth shut, just get a camera focusing at me. If it’s a DSLR you are already a winner. I am petrified of those evil eyed lenses. The one thing (out of many) that can spoil my day is getting to see a photograph of mine…If there is a pretty girl standing next to the moronic looking me that is even worse... One interesting find: my ugliness quotient in photos is directly proportional to the amount of attention the camera lens gives me (hope that is not confusing).

                                    Few days back, my 5 year long boyfriend who is apparently my fiance now , gifted me a movie of all our ‘photographs’ together with the most romantic song to go by. Pictures zoomed in an out of all corners of my laptop screen. I could feel my pulse rate shooting up. By the time the 5 minute torture ended, all I can remember is that I went insane. Then started the blateration of a camera phobic on phone to which he took quite graciously, in-spite of spending hours making it. I begged and pleaded with him never to repeat this kind of gift ever…EVER.

                                    My engagement day. Well I was told I am looking gorgeous. I was elated. I was called for the so called solo photo shoot with the family photographer. He was the one who has been capturing the wedding moments of my first, second and all type of cousins. I was made to believe he is the one who can make any ugly Betty look like a mermaid. So I went up to him. He asked me to make all those clichéd poses a to-be-engaged girl is supposed to do. I obliged. Two or three clicks away, he looked not so happy. The look I am used to seeing whenever I am made to pose for photos. He was nodding his head in disappointment. Don’t you know to smile was the immediate question. I was convinced this one person was not the saviour I am looking for. Thus proved. Later when I had to exchange rings with my ‘whatever you may call’, I don’t know which fear was pulling me down more-400+something eyes on me or just one camera lens zooming in at me..:(

                                    Till date I have mustered the courage to look at my engagement album only once. I have made it a point to hide the damned thing in oblivion so that I don’t get to see it even by mistake. Relatives who come home want to see the engagement album and video (I am allergic to videos too) first even before resting their asses. Requests to upload pics in Facebook.Well now you know why. How truly I wanted a female-Joey (only to take pics!!) rite there to save me the embarrassment...Even though I hate such females to death.

                                    My wedding day is almost one year away. I want to be the most beautiful bride. I don’t want any photographs to prove me wrong. I am regularly advised that its good to capture the moments in photographs. My argument is they will be captured in memories too …Wont they..??!My fiance will be the  first  one to snap back at this given he thinks I have “arana buddhi” …In that case I am looking for a new wedding photographer…